Goodevening Chet, we’re back here at the Occupy Firth Lake movement head quarters on the beach at Sportsmen’s Camp, with a follow-up interview with the movement’s organizers.
Geraldo: What’s going on with this burgeoning worldwide protest of Lazy Human Debris on this 5th week of illegal socialist anarchy?
Lazy Human Debris (LHD): It’s not going well. Fish populations are being eradicated all over North America. The Commercial Fishermen have driven thousands of small local fishermen out of business by their bombing lakes practice. This is also starving thousands of subsistence fishermen who feed their families fish over the winter months. The commercial fisherman have now incorporated so that they don’t have to fish anymore. They just hire the ruined small time fishermen at a pittance to bomb the lakes for them.
Geraldo: But the commercial fishermen are only hardworking entrepreneurs! They are creating vast wealth and creating hundreds of jobs for the community. They are the saviors of the fishing industry! Why are you trying to ruin these fantastic engines of economic wealth and job creation.
LHD: Yes Geraldo, the jobs are there. The ruined small time fishermen used to work hard, 80 hours a week on their own boat, near home, to make a meager living – they were tired but happy. Now they make half of what they made before, working 12 hours a day seven days a week, bombing lakes in remote locations away from their families. But they have no choice, they must provide for their family. Where there once were thousands of people working in the fishing industry there are now only hundreds and, there is now no job security. When all the lakes are bombed out in North America the workers will be discarded like so much human debris.
Geraldo: How can you spout such absolute nonsense? The commercial fishermen bombing the lakes are creating wealth and jobs. Anyone willing to work hard will advance in the organization. Its EFFETE LAZY LIBERAL MALINGERERS such as yourself that are RUINING THE ECONOMY. You’re just mad that the EFFICIENCY OF UNBRIDLED FREE MARKET CAPITALISM has found a new more effective way to fish and has reduced wasteful labor costs by reducing the number of workers necessary to catch vast quantities of fish! Its people like you that are ruining America for hard working people! If it weren’t for these valiant commercial fishermen the price of fish would rise in the winter again, starving poor families across the globe!
LHD: Yes Geraldo the short term supply of fish has been increased over the winter months keeping the prices down below past winters, but the poor families of the small time fishermen that are out of work have to purchase the cheaper fish with our tax dollars in the form of subsistence assistance from the government. It’s just another way for the commercial fishermen to steal our tax dollars. It also benefits them by creating a nearly unlimited pool of dirt poor labor that they can exploit in their fish processing plants.
Geraldo: I have never heard such nonsense! The commercial fishing industry has just posted RECORD PROFITS and are EMPLOYING MORE PEOPLE than ever before. It is one of the only businesses contributing tax dollars, employing people and PROVIDING GROWTH to our economy! What do want? Do you want these captains of industry to be strung up? Do you want to kill the goose that laid the golden egg?
LHD: No Geraldo, nothing can be done to prosecute these criminals – they have incorporated and thus have made it legally impossible to call them to account and they give millions of dollars to our duly bribed “representatives” to make sure they are free to do as they wish. We are only here to level the playing field and to demand that this rapacious cycle of greed be broken!
Geraldo: Well there you have it Chet. THEY CALL FREE MARKET CAPITALISM A CRIME! I thought the cold war was over and that UNGODLY COMMUNISM was on its knees! But here it is on our doorstep or should I say beach! While here I have also heard that they were providing free health care to the protesters! Do you know what this means Chet???? They must surely be ABORTING UNBORN CHRISTIAN BABIES here on the beach!!!!! THROWING DISMEMBERED FETUSES INTO THE PRISTINE WAVES!!! I have also PERSONALLY WITNESSED them lighting their hobo fires to stay warm and heat pan-handled food with cardboard from American manufactured goods (a scarce commodity indeed) which is tantamount to BURNING THE AMERICAN FLAG!!!! They also have signs posted around the protest area urging each other to “remain nonviolent” – that is to say they have TAKEN EVERYONE’S GUNS AWAY!!!! THEY HAVE SUSPENDED OUR SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS! Before you know it they will be PERFORMING LEGAL GAY MARRIAGE!!! I have even heard people talking about SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE for everyone, EVEN THE LAZY POOR HUMAN DEBRIS!!!! What do they think this is, some IDEALISTIC COMMUNIST UTOPIAN HEAVEN????
LHD: No Geraldo, its not heaven it’s Canada. A civilized nation.
